Don’t worry. Or rather, don’t worry. Let worry turn into action. When you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself the action question, “What can I do about this right now?” And then do something. Anything. Every little thing. For most of my life, I spent my time asking myself the wrong question every time I worried. I asked myself, “How should I feel about this?”
I finally found that I was much happier when I started asking, instead, “What can I do about this?” If I’m worried about the conversation I had with my wife last night, and how unfair I was for saying those things. I said, I can ask myself, “What can I do about that right now?” By putting the question into the action arena, many possibilities come to me: 1) I could send her flowers; or 2) I could call her to tell her I’m worried about how I left something; or 3) I could leave her a nice little note; or 4) I could go to her to fix things. All of these possibilities are actions, and when I act on something, the worry goes away.
We often hear the phrase “worry yourself to death.” But that phrase doesn’t reflect what actually happens when we worry. It would be great if we could worry ourselves to death. When it dies, we can just dump the body and be done with it.
But when we worry, we don't worry about anything until we die, we worry about it for life. Our worrying makes the problem bigger. And most of the time, we worry it into a strange kind of life, a kind of Frankenstein's monster that scares us for no reason.
I once found a system for action that helped me completely change my worrying habits. I would make a list of five things I was worried about—maybe it was four projects I was working on and the fifth was an issue my son was having with a particular teacher. I would then decide to spend five minutes on each issue doing something, anything. By deciding this, I knew I was committing to 25 minutes of activity. No more. So it didn’t feel like too much at all.
Then I could make the game. On project one, a seminar workbook deadline for a new course, I would spend five minutes writing it. I might only get the first two pages done, but it felt great. It felt like I was finally getting started.
Then on item number two, the meeting that I know I need to have with a client because of a difficult contract issue, I'll call their office and schedule a meeting and put it on my calendar. That feels good, too.
My third concern, a pile of correspondence that I need to respond to, I will sort and stack for five minutes and put it in a separate folder from the rest of the clutter on my desk. That feels satisfying too. The fourth item is travel arrangements that need to be finalized. I will take no more than five minutes to look at my calendar and leave a voicemail for my travel agent to fax me some travel alternatives.
Finally, on my son’s issue, I would get out a piece of paper and write a short letter to his teacher expressing my concern for her, my support for her efforts, and my desire to set up a quick meeting so the three of us could sit down and come to some agreements. It would take all of 25 minutes. And the five things that were worrying me the most would no longer worry me. I could then come back any time later and work on them until they were finished.
If something is worrying you, always do something about it. It doesn't have to be something big that will make it go away. It can be anything small. But the positive effect it will have on you will be huge. A friend of mine was worried about her cat, who had some mild symptoms of illness, but nothing that seemed serious enough to take her to the vet. She also thought the symptoms were so subtle that they probably wouldn't be easy to explain to a vet, but she was worried anyway. She brought it up two or three more times before I finally said to her, "You have to do something."
“That’s just the problem, there’s nothing you can do,” he said. “Take action,” I said. “Call the vet and talk to him.” “That doesn’t make sense because the vet won’t know anything from what I tell him, and he’ll probably ask me to take him to see him, and I know it’s not that serious,” he said. “Yeah, I get that,” I said, “But you have to take action for yourself, not for the cat or the vet. By not doing anything, you’re trapping yourself in worry.” “Okay,” he said. “I see what you mean.”
When she called the vet, to her surprise, the vet was able to make a good assessment of what was wrong. He recommended that she bring the cat in, and if that was what he thought, he could give her something to clean it up right away. Whatever worries you should be acted upon, not just thought about. action; you can make it very small and easy, as long as you take action. Even small actions will drive away your fears. Fear has a hard time coexisting with action. When there is action, there is no fear. When there is fear, there is no action.
The next time you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself, “What one small thing can I do right now?” Then do it. Remember not to ask, “What can I do to make this go away?” That question doesn’t get you to act at all. Acting on your worries frees you up for other things. It removes fear and uncertainty from your life and puts you back in control of creating what you want. Just do it.